Why not to have premarital sex

Sex- it’s wonderful. In the right time and place, it enhances a committed relationship. Sex- it is the icing on the cake bringing the relationship to a soft warm level of closeness and intimacy. But in this day and age all to many people throw the frosting right on the plate and think they’re getting a gourmet dessert, when all there doing is cheating themselves. “Here's how you know you have a commitment: When you're married, you have one, and when you're not married, you don't” (www.bounless.org).

The consummation of a relationship appears to be great way to gain intimacies with someone that you have been growing close too. It feels as if you have moved to another level. I know the feeling, to lay with a person for the first time, someone that you been talking with, laughing with, sharing and caring with. You wonder if your falling in love your heart flutters when they’re near. Then you kiss and wonder if they’re going pass the test. But what really happens is that you are setting a standard, the ghost in your past has set a standard, Hot breath, hot bodies tangled – in a passionate embrace. But will they pass the test?

Premarital sex can cause problems on a personal, family and social level; as wonderful a thing as sex can be it also can be as equally as destructive, when not enjoyed in the right context.

I am sure you’re reading this very skeptically, possibly, thinking, “sex?” “Destructive?” That does not sound possible. To start with the ghost of past sexual experience has given my, and many others, future mates a standard that they will have to live up to. ”Premarital sex may be bad for the emotional health of your future marriage. It lays the groundwork for comparisons, suspicions, and mistrust. “Am I as attractive (or as sexually stimulating) as his last partner?” “If she didn’t wait for me before we were married, why do I think she will settle for only me now?” “If someone better comes along, will I be left in the dust?” This is an unfair standard and interferes with true intimacies.

In The harmful effects early sexual activity and multiple sexual partners among women: a Book of charts put out by The Heritage Foundation reports that:

Women who had more non-marital sex partners were less
likely to have stable marriages. over 80 percent of the women
who had never had non-marital partner were in stable marriages.
By contrast, only 30 percent of the women with five non-marital
sex partners were in stables marriages (18).

You might argue that sex is not bad. So it causes a few people to get divorced, so what. Not every marriage can work out.That’s because there is whole bunch about male/female relationship that you were never told in high school or college for that matter. You see you have duped, that sex education class that you received in high school was the tip of the ice berg just the mechanics of sex. Let me ask a question did you ever hear anything in school about how to be a successful person, wife, husband, or does your high school year’s sound like mine. “you’ll have to know this when you get a job someday” “If you go to college…” All about being a successful employee or college student. There is a dynamic that happens when a man and women begin a relationship as Jim Talley writes in his book Reconcilable Differences “typically, the man likes to move quickly to the physical level. At this point he normally is not yet emotionally involved. The woman, however, gets involved emotionally muchmore quickly and usually considers the advance to kissing and caressing an indication of commitment on the man’s part “ The chart to the left illustrates.

Progression of a relationship
Men		Women
Sexual	Addicted	Sexual	Addicted
	Regular		Regular
	Passion		Passion
	Petting		Petting
Emotional	Committed	Physical	Attached
	Defensive		Caress
	Cry over		Kiss
	Long for		Touch
Physical	Attached	Emotional	Committed
	Caress		Defensive
	Kiss		Cry over
	Touch		Long for
Friendship	Intimate	Friendship	Intimate
	Close		Close
	Casual		Casual
	Acquaintance		Acquaintance
Fig. 3.1 Interpersonal Relationship Development (Pg 34 Reconcilable differences)

Guys if your better aware of your god given nature you will able to act more responsible and take care of your self along with the woman in your life. Hay girls you know guys “won’t buy the cow if they’re getting the milk for free”. What I mean is this; in the 2002 “The state of our unions” put out by The national marriage project listed “ They can get sex without marriage more easily than anytime in the past.” As the number one reason: why men will not commit.

A third aspect of the damages premarital sex can cause on a personal level is a lack of sexual satisfaction once you do get married. If you do not have sex before you get married, then the best sex you ever have will be while you are married. Imagine that! In his February 13, 1994 Washington Post article, The Hottest Valentines: the Starling Secret of what makes you a high-voltage lover. William R. Mattox Jr. quotes David Larson “Couples not involved before marriage and who are faithful during marriage are more satisfied with their current sex life and also with their marriages compared to those who were involved sexually before marriage.” Mattox noted the Family research Counsel survey ‘found that strictly monogamous women experienced orgasm during sex more than twice as often as promiscuous women’ Mattox also noted that the Family Research Counsel survey ‘also found a correlation between sexual satisfaction and religious commitment, but our findings indicate that sexual satisfaction is influenced more by one’s sexual ethics than by one’s religious practice’, Mattox also comment/writes ‘Larson and his colleagues find that responsiveness and satisfaction are significantly affected by the relational context in which lovemaking takes place.” These are just a few of the ways that premarital sex can affect you on a personal level,So premarital sex causes a… I know, so what! Well then you need some more information.

Lets return to the harmful effects early sexual activity and multiple sexual partners among women: a book of charts put out by The Heritage Foundation. Depression is another problem with premarital sex then says reports that:



          The greater the number of non-marital sex partners,
          the higher the probability of  depression. Only 2.8
          percent of women who have had sex with men 
          they  married reported they currently feel 
          ‘not very happy’ or ‘very unhappy.’ By contrast, 8.3 
          percent of women with 16-20 non-marital sex
          partners report they currently feel ‘not very happy’
          or ‘very unhappy’ (21)

With all this instability in marriages you can imagine how many would end in divorce that is not good for the children, the next generation. Tina B Tessina writes in her book “Ideally, a family has a function – that is, a job to do. A healthy family should create and sustain an environment that promotes emotional and physical health and psychological well-being for members”

You might be saying “divorce may cause problems for many of the children who are affected by it, but by and large these problems are not long lasting and the children recover relatively quickly” (The top ten myths of divorce).

The truth is that divorce has a lot of negative effects on children such as “almost 50 percent of households that with children undergoing divorce move into poverty following the divorce. Some 40 percent of families on Aid to families with dependent children (AFDC) are divorced or separated single-parent households.”

Of course the family income is cut in half, Duh! People can recover from that!

There also is other factors of how children are effected as the Heritage foundation reports: “A Major national survey of 20,000 adolescents found that the adolescents children of divorced parents did worse than their peers from intact families on such measures of satisfaction with life as happiness, sense of personal control, trust, and friendship” (www.heritage.org/)

And still another study reported by the Heritage Foundation indicates that ‘The general social surveys of 1996 and 1998 show that the incidence of adults not being ‘too happy’ varies signifantly, depending on the type of family in which they grow up: those whose parents divorced have reported being not ‘too happy’ at twice the rate of those who grew up with both their parents. Those who had a parent die during childhood fall halfway between these happiness rates (www. Heritage .org/).

The Heritage Foundation goes on to say that A British Longitudinal Study that tracked a sample of children born in 1958 shows that the children have a 39 percent increase in the threat of psychopathology. It further comments:

          These long lasting effects are found in country after country.
          The British National study cited above found a strong link
          between parental divorce during the middle and late 
          childhood years and (ages seven through 16) and significantly
          lower mental health status in young adulthood, with a 39
          percent increase in the risk of psychopathology. A large
          Finnish study found that at age 22, children of
          divorced parents experienced more frequent loss of jobs,
          more conflict with bosses, and more separation and divorce;
          they also had more abortions. Large Swedish sample
          (over 14,000) confirms again the negative mental health
          effects of parents’ divorce on children, no matter the 
          socioeconomic status of the family may be. German research
          yields similar findings, and a recent Australian
          reliminary report reach similar conclusions” 
         
the study goes on to comment on higher suicides rates, “weakened parent-child relationships”, “diminished social competence”, “increased trouble in courtship”, “higher probability of divorce”, and  lessened religious practice.

I hope that you can see that this would have a major effect on the family unit, once again: “Ideally the family has a function – that is a job to do. A healthy family should create and sustain an environment that promotes emotional and physical health and psychological well being for its members”(Tina B Tessina)

Finally, Alice Fryling writes in her article “why wait for sex?” that 

         sexual promiscuity is even bad for the health of our civilization.
         One study of more than eighty societies ranging from in
         development from ancient to primitive to more modern 
         revealed ‘an unvarying Correlation between the degree of
         sexual restraints and the rate of social progress. Cultures
         that were more sexually permissive displayed less cultural
         energy, creativity, intellectual development and individualism,
         and a slower general cultural ascent…”

It can also be noted:

Jim Nelson Black sees ominous parallels to our own country. He says, ‘as I have looked back across the ruins and landmarks of antiquity, the parallels have stunned me between those societies and our own…this is the legitimate background of our own place in history, it is vital that we reconsider the nature of life in those earlier times. For within those eras and movement are the seeds of the troubles we face today. There are many reasons for the decline and fall of a nation, but an important (and often overlooked) reasons is the abandonment of religion…When the traditional beliefs of a notion erode, the nation dies. Religion provides the set of standards that govern a nation. Historian Will Durant said, ‘There are no significant examples in history, before our time, of a society successfully maintaining moral life without the aid of religion,”

the bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:9 “Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders”

So you can see that not engaging in premarital sex is not only a matter of personal responsibility it’s also a matter of social responsibility